Too much in my head for anything to come out...
Actually, I haven't been working too much... I just haven't been doing anything else...
Yesterday I worked at the bar until evening, and then had to go to work at the store at midnight until 8 am this morning... The night girl had "twisted her ankle" and couldn't work... We have sooo much trouble with her...
My son's doctor's office help screwed up on his prescription, making him go two days without his pills, so he's been out of school because they can't "handle him" when he is off his meds...
Life is in one of those dead spots... I work, come home, do what I have to here, sleep a little and do it all over again... My life tends to go through these every few months...
Jeff has been sent "out" on another government "thing"... Hawk is playing his "hard to get a hold of" game again... R has been working long hours...
I did have a long talk with an old friend yesterday afternoon while working at the bar... He and I sort of stepped "out of bounds" for a friendship a few months ago, and both of us felt a bit awful about it... He felt like a heel for letting it happen, and I felt ashamed because I thought he thought I was "easy white trash"... We got it talked out and everything is back on track... He is an artist, really great one, and has been doing airbrushing on motorcycle tanks lately... I should go over soon to see some of his work... Little secret... That little slip we had was no accident, although he felt he talked me into it, I would do anything for him... It took no "talking into"... LOL... He is a confirmed bachelor, however, so I am content with being really good friends.
My truck driver friend hasn't been able to catch me at work lately... I miss him... The little blue eyed blonde guy from Mexico comes in to see me every day, several times a day, and even comes to talk to me at the bar occasionally, but hasn't got the nerve up to ask me out again... I hope he doesn't, I really like him, but I just can't go out with him.
Starting Friday I have to do the books in one of our stores about 30 miles away... The one Hawk goes into EVERY morning... Hopefully we can set a time to get together... I really dread working in that store, though, the employees over there (including the manager) are very hateful, and dishonest... Back stabbing... I'm sure they will hate an outsider coming in everyday... They better not mess with me, though, I may look sweet and innocent, but I'm far from it! LOL
I have been doing a LOT of soul searching lately... Studying Pagan religions... Questioning where my faith lies... The Pagan religions feel so much more "right"... They don't try to turn me into something I am not, like all the Christian churches I have attended do... I actually FEEL something when learning about this, like I never seemed to with Christianity... What if the Christians are wrong and I spend my whole life going down the wrong path? What if they are right and I chose the wrong path? How does anyone know????
*sigh*
Lots of "sh**" going on in my brain these days...
Yesterday I worked at the bar until evening, and then had to go to work at the store at midnight until 8 am this morning... The night girl had "twisted her ankle" and couldn't work... We have sooo much trouble with her...
My son's doctor's office help screwed up on his prescription, making him go two days without his pills, so he's been out of school because they can't "handle him" when he is off his meds...
Life is in one of those dead spots... I work, come home, do what I have to here, sleep a little and do it all over again... My life tends to go through these every few months...
Jeff has been sent "out" on another government "thing"... Hawk is playing his "hard to get a hold of" game again... R has been working long hours...
I did have a long talk with an old friend yesterday afternoon while working at the bar... He and I sort of stepped "out of bounds" for a friendship a few months ago, and both of us felt a bit awful about it... He felt like a heel for letting it happen, and I felt ashamed because I thought he thought I was "easy white trash"... We got it talked out and everything is back on track... He is an artist, really great one, and has been doing airbrushing on motorcycle tanks lately... I should go over soon to see some of his work... Little secret... That little slip we had was no accident, although he felt he talked me into it, I would do anything for him... It took no "talking into"... LOL... He is a confirmed bachelor, however, so I am content with being really good friends.
My truck driver friend hasn't been able to catch me at work lately... I miss him... The little blue eyed blonde guy from Mexico comes in to see me every day, several times a day, and even comes to talk to me at the bar occasionally, but hasn't got the nerve up to ask me out again... I hope he doesn't, I really like him, but I just can't go out with him.
Starting Friday I have to do the books in one of our stores about 30 miles away... The one Hawk goes into EVERY morning... Hopefully we can set a time to get together... I really dread working in that store, though, the employees over there (including the manager) are very hateful, and dishonest... Back stabbing... I'm sure they will hate an outsider coming in everyday... They better not mess with me, though, I may look sweet and innocent, but I'm far from it! LOL
I have been doing a LOT of soul searching lately... Studying Pagan religions... Questioning where my faith lies... The Pagan religions feel so much more "right"... They don't try to turn me into something I am not, like all the Christian churches I have attended do... I actually FEEL something when learning about this, like I never seemed to with Christianity... What if the Christians are wrong and I spend my whole life going down the wrong path? What if they are right and I chose the wrong path? How does anyone know????
*sigh*
Lots of "sh**" going on in my brain these days...
3 Comments:
I don't care what "people" think, I care what "he" thinks... I respect him, and value his friendship and didn't want to lose that... Luckily, I didn't...
What you think counts most, girl!
Re your search for truth....You can only search with an open mind. You must choose your philosophical/religious truth. There is no 100% way to know if you have chosen truth or an imitation of truth. Until we die and see what, if anything, is on the other side we cannot know for certain.
No offense to anyone else... but I love getting comments from Buffalo... :-)
I know you are right, about the search, but after we die... isn't it too late if we have chosen the wrong path?
I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter what anyone but me thinks about me... If I say it enough I might believe it... *sigh*
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